Somebody Moved the North Pole
This whole environmental business of global climate change is a huge big issue that the politicians haven't been payin' too much attention to ever since it's been around. They been poo-pooin' the whole business, makin' like they care about it, but if you ever check up on 'em, you'll find it's nothin' more than a fireside chat subject. All the information they got on it is sittin' up on some back shelf somewheres.
I don't know if you noticed or not, but there's a conspiracy goin' on here an' I don't exactly know who's behind it. Them meteorologists have coined a new term called “Polar Vortex”. It shows the cold arctic air goin' right down through South Dakota. They got all kinds o' fancy explanations for that one. Poppycock I say! It almost sounds like somethin' David Suzuki might'a thought up. Polar Vortex, my arse! I'm gonna tell you exactly what's happened. Somebody pulled the north pole up out'a the ground at the north pole an' stuck it right in the middle of Vegreville Alberta, that's what!
I don't know how they went an' done that neither 'cause the ground is so froze up there at the north pole, you'd never get that pole out'a the ground no matter what equipment you got to tackle it with. So that rules out the environmentalists for sure. An' Green Peace, well they can't get any publicity out'a that, so forget them. An' the government, well they can't even find Franklin's ship, never mind the dad blamed north pole.
Well that leaves only one suspect left an' that's mother nature. Who can blame her for bein' a mite disgruntled at the human species? I mean everybody else is mindin' their own business, doin' what they're supposed to do like they done for ever while we, the super intelligent species of life on this planet are busy diggin' up oil an' gas an' diamonds an' gold an' puttin' nothin' back, like we own the place. Just think about it for a minute. How'd you like it if somebody came into your house an' took out some walls, leavin' the residue in a heap on the floor. Turns out that this world is HER house, not ours. We might do well to keep that in mind when she starts to get a little testy with us.
Well I shouldn't say we don't put nothin' back. We do – like them big pipes to transport the oil an' gas we're stealin from her to here an' there. An' we're pumpin' brackish water that aint good for nothin' down into her belly. There's a long list o' what we're givin' back an' none of it's good for nothin' an that's a fact.
Mother nature has been warnin' us for a while now, but we don't take no notice. A few hurricanes here an' there, a tsunami or two, blazin' forest fires, none o' that stuff gets our attention for very long. But if you look at how them things thin out our numbers we ought to be payin' a little more heed. This latest thing of movin' the north pole to Vegreville is a pretty drastic measure. I think she's tryin' to tell us somethin'. An' maybe what she's tryin' to tell us is that she's moving the north pole to Vegreville. What we do about it is none o' her concern. She don't give a rip one way or another. If we become extinct in the process, what does she care anyways? At least that's how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.