Oh God – Part Twenty – Six
Schwartz thought about it for a minute. Basically it was not a bad idea, so he said out loud, “I forgive myself for all the crap I did on other people,”
Well that didn’t work! God, who was forever in his face, was suddenly absent. Now what? “Hey God,” said Schwartz, “I forgave myself an’ nothin’ happened. What’s up with that?”
“What did you forgive yourself for, Schwartz?
“Oh, everything in general, I guess.”
“But what specifically did you forgive yourself for?”
Schwartz thought for a moment, “I don’t know,” he admitted. “ I really don’t remember.” That was odd. He really didn’t remember the specific things that had been so prominent on his list of offenses. In fact, he was feeling a little lighter, less burdened as it were for the loss of these memories. “God,” he said in a business-like voice as though he were conducting a meeting. “We have to discuss a few things about my coming here in the first place.” Well he may have lost his memory of earthly things, but at least his organizational skills were still intact.
“It was probably a redundant call,” said God reflectively. “The human race never ceases to surprise me. You’d think they’d use the brains I gave them for useful reasoning. But instead they’re in such a rush to do everything faster and shorter, not realizing that it’s contributing to their own demise that much sooner.”
“You mean . . . . ,” Schwartz started to say.
“I mean they are racing toward their end at top speed. I don’t have to do nothin’. It’s a bit of a shame though about all them other creatures on earth but . . . . . .”
“You mean the world itself will come to an end?”
“No, the world itself won’t explode or dry up or anything like that. But after all the damage humans have done, it will take a while to heal itself. That’ll give me time to rethink my creations. Fortunately by then I’ll have turned over all the unworthy spirits to Satan to fry into eternity and I’ll be left with the good ones to make the new world into a homogeneous loving and caring place.”
“So how long will that take?” wondered Schwartz.
“Oh, maybe a million years or so, maybe two, it’s hard to say.
“A MILLION OR TWO YEARS! All of life will be forgotten by then,” lamented Schwartz.
“Not really, not in the grand scheme of things. It took several billion years before there was any possibility of life surviving on earth, so a million years here or there is no big deal.”
“And the souls you sent to hell – what about them?” was Schwartz’ next question.
“Ha ha, they’ll be screamin’ an’ yellin’ an’ sizzlin’ on Satan’s barbeque.”
Schwartz shuddered at the thought. That could have been him for God’s sake. Well, except for God’s sake. “An’ what about us up here in heaven, what happens to us?”
“Well, you good souls who have shown your loyalty and dedication will be sent out again to re-populate the earth with love and goodness and proper respect for the atmosphere around you. It will be a perfect world. As for Satan’s bunch – to hell with them!” God chuckled at his own joke.
There was a huge crash in the kitchen that echoed throughout the dining room. God winked at Schwartz and muttered, “Even here there are some that like to give orders.”